I had a new client come in for her second session last night (by her request, she's on a weekly schedule until she feels like she's getting a grip on balance and improved coping mechanism), and something that I kept catching her up on was the language of "should", especially something we took to calling "Other People's Shoulds", meaning all the ( Read more... )

[Just as an FYI, this is a developing thought process, which means the logic loops are still falling in on themselves in places while I think this one through; it shakes the roots of a fundamental relationship principle I've held dear for a dozen-odd years, and I don't yet have something to replace it, so if the logic appears to cling in places and ( Read more... )

It's still a record, of some kind, from this to now: a whopping FOUR DAYS from finally stopping being so goddamned busy all the time, to trying to throw myself into the deep end of something that would have had a fairly intensive time and effort investment for the next several months of my life, provided me lots of distraction and "instant ( Read more... )

I've been struggling to write this post since Wednesday, when wesnotcrusher asked me if I had safe places to go/be that were NOT Gloria's (since "home" is a tenuous concept while I'm struggling to finish the painting on schedule, and live daily with the fear of losing the steady income that pays the rent, whether through contract ending in a down-turned market ( Read more... )

I didn't write down or post my gratitudes last night, but I did speak them aloud when I was done my sitting practice. The ability to calm my mind still eludes me, but the practice of sitting in physical stillness for a few minutes every night before bed still seems a worthwhile thing to do, even if it's a constant battle to get the brain out of ( Read more... )

"Objecting to how a child expresses anger, or how a child challenges your authority, is fine, if their behavior is genuinely destructive, inappropriate, or cruel. Telling them or demonstrating by example that they cannot ever express anger or challenge you will not make them more respectful. It will make them angry and mistrustful, and will destroy ( Read more... )

Some day, I hope to be able to tell which of the voices I'm learning to filter out in my head are mine, and which are those that have been living rent-free in this space for a lifetime. It took a long time to be able to discern the subtle difference between my Self and my weasels - which, while still a part of me, are short term wants ( Read more... )

The gulf is widening at home as Matthew last night requested time later this week to start the logistical discussions leading into his physical departure. It was a reasonable discussion, for all that it continued the trend of what feels to me like an ongoing stream of mixed messages; this is unsurprising, given Matthew's own admitted ambivalence on ( Read more... )

I noted on FB yesterday:
[S]omething I noted early Saturday morning as I was filling the tank for the day trip to Trillies: In April I filled the tank four times, once per week. With yesterday's fill, that made a total of EIGHT fills in June. If anyone is wondering where I do all the mental processing I've had to do in the past three weeks, ( Read more... )

There's a subtle difference between dwelling in the past and using hindsight to power forward momentum, something along the lines of being the difference between dwelling on the "what ifs" as if the past itself were malleable, and looking for the patterns than can be foreknown and possibly altered in future experiences. It's a hard thing to train ( Read more... )